Divorce Mediation in San Diego
For many people, going through a divorce is a scary and uncertain time. It can be very difficult to keep your life together while trying to make rational decisions about how to handle the divorce itself. If you find you have too much to deal with or are confused about some of the processes that take place during a divorce, you may want to look to divorce mediation for help.
Most people going through a divorce experience conflict of some type. Adding this to the already stressful atmosphere of a divorce can make it simply unbearable and so, many times, mediation is needed. Some people are against seeing a mediator because they feel it will be one-sided or help one person over another. However, the job of the mediator is not to be a lawyer; they are there to help you work through your problems and keep a good relationship after the divorce.
Divorce mediation can also help you save money. Many people make the mistake of cutting off all contact with the other person, however, this solves nothing; the most important thing is to keep all communication open and a mediator will help you do this. Once you are able to meet with and discuss finances, you can make intelligent choices that will help you both.
Just as selecting a good lawyer is important, it is equally important to look for an experienced mediator. You will want to make sure the mediator is helping you both reach results you are happy with. There are common misconceptions that a mediator will act more in favor of one person, but this is often not true; a good mediator will understand that you are there to be helped and he should have what is best for both of you in mind.
Divorce mediation is a perfect place to begin solving your problems because it is much more personal. You will be able to speak for yourself rather than have a lawyer do so and you can also hear where your spouse stands on certain issues. Any agreements that are made during the mediation will benefit both of you because you will be able to communicate face to face. With a mediator present, you will be able to better deal with conflict that is often too difficult for people to handle on their own.
Although many people are against mediation, the people who do go through it come out better. You maintain control of what is going on as well as keep all lines of communication open; one of the most important things when going through a divorce.
It is also important to remember that divorce mediation may not be for everyone. Mediation provides a specific structure that is intended for couples to negotiate. However, if there are more serious problems, communicating in this way may not be the best option. It is important for both people to be comfortable in order for the mediation to be effective.
“Mediation” is a voluntary settlement process emphasizing informed decision-making and mutually acceptable agreements. The difference between mediating an entire divorce and going to divorce court is the difference between finding an agreement-based transition to a new life versus an order-based termination. It is the difference between voluntarily sharing information and responding to demands and subpoenas.
In a formal sense, “mediation” means “a process in which a neutral person or persons facilitate communication between the disputants to assist them in reaching a mutually acceptable agreement,” and “mediation consultation” means “a communication between a person and a mediator for the purpose of initiating, considering, or reconvening a mediation or retaining the mediator.”
In divorce court people file Order to Show Cause (OSC) hearings that order their spouse to come to court. In divorce court people file statements or declarations telling the world what their spouse is a rat, snake, sleaze or cheat. And they frequently complain about sex, alcohol, drugs, and hidden money.
In divorce court people don’t seem to realize that all of this information is a public record open to anyone who is interested, including their children as soon as they are old enough to go downtown and read the file of mom and dad.
Mediation is Different
- In mediation we agree to agree.
- In mediation we agree not to sue each other.
- In mediation we focus on the needs of each spouse.
- In mediation we talk about the needs of the children and we look at child sharing from the point of view of the children.
- In mediation we concentrate on sharing financial information by disclosing the assets, debts, income and abilities. We talk about the responsibilities between and spouses and the responsibilities that the spouses have to themselves.
I have found that most people keep the ability to talk in mediation even if there is a short-term communication problem caused by the emotions of the loss. The farther we go into mediation the easier it is to work together.
I have found that most people have a settlement idea in mind at the time they are separating and that position may be very reasonable.
I believe that a lot of people go to divorce court because they don’t know about alternative dispute resolution. They go to a divorce lawyer to find out about a divorce and the divorce lawyer simply walks them into divorce court.
I am convinced that most people don’t belong in divorce court in order to end their marriage and pursue happiness.
Note: Everything shared in mediation is secret and privileged.